2013 Is Going to be FANTASTIC ... Why?

Enthusiastically scribbled by, 

Jason Riemens

Have Something Good to Say

Do You Waste Your Greetings and Departures?

Is There a Second Chance to Make a First Impression?

It is said that you never have a second chance to make a first impression.  But it is also said you never should say never.  That is especially true in this case, because every time you leave the company of a person and return, you must reestablish or reinforce you initial impression - and hopefully improve upon it.  And, if it is the first time you are meeting the person - or group - you have a chance to make a positive impact - or the aptly named - first impression.

Last Impressions First

Correspondingly, it should also be said that you never have a second chance to make a last impression.  What does the person you were just with, walked by (i.e., receptionist), or left the company of in some other fashion, remember?  Do they even remember you?  More importantly - how did you make them feel?  Anything at all?

Always Have Something Good to Say - At the Beginning and at the End

Deflating the Greeting: So many people waste their greeting with some vacuous statement like: “Hi.” How are you?”  “What’s up?”

Omitting the Exodus: Similarly, many people also make an even bigger mistake by wasting their departure statement with an emotionless exodus like: “Have a good one.”  “Take it easy.”  “Bye.”  “Seeya.”            

These are the types of moments where you have the opportunity to alter your perception in the eyes of others by having something good to say.  Leave a positively charged emotional trail wherever you go, that has your name on it.    

That's All Good But Say What?

People will not always remember what you said, but they will remember how you made them feel.  Therefore, the next time you greet someone say something good like: “It’s great to see you again.”  “I was hoping to see you today.”  “I’ve missed seeing you.”  And, of course, beginning with a genuine compliment is a great idea.  A generic one that works well is: “You’re looking healthy.”  Plus, you can always say: “You’re looking amazing.”  “This place is really looking great.”  “I understand you daughter is making a big impact in her new job.”

You will clearly have a better understanding of the circumstances, situation, and the framing of the interaction and will come up with the some far more creative and relevant statements than my examples.   

Summary

It takes no more time than you spend now, just a little more thought up front, and costs nothing, but it will have a huge interpersonal impact.  You will be better liked, make more friends, and develop more influence.  Why would you not always have something good to say?

Enthusiastically scribbled by, 

Jason Riemens

What Would You Do If You Weren’t Afraid?

The First Step is Admitting You're Afraid

From my rough life in the hard streets - OK...just from living my life, my professional career, my formal schooling, and my reading - as well as from my majestic successes and mammoth failures, I have developed three main questions I ask when facing a situation, opportunity, dilemma, problem, or pragmatically any choice.  This post details the first.

The First Question...

The first question and the one that I think precludes the most people from action - while ironically the least admitted during an external dialogue (while quite prevalent in one’s internal monologue) is, “What would I do if I was not afraid?”

Come On....Admit it Already!

Admitting the feeling of fear or of being afraid - especially when not arising from a large group of voracious beasts or an ill-intended biker gang - seems to be something people are - afraid - to do.

So, when an opportunity arises - which to those with a positive attitude and optimism is with every decision - I recommend that you ask yourself what you would do if you were not afraid. 

Afraid-of-What-a-Phobia

Afraid of what?  Rejection.  Failure. Judgment.  Shame. Loss.  Misunderstanding.  Criticism.  (...insert yours here...)  These are the first that come to my mind, as well as just plain old uncertainty - by which I mean, knowing more outcomes could happen than will.

Example: I started this BLOG by asking myself this question and actually ask it for every post.  I admit that there is a certain level of fear that: First - no one will ever read what I am writing, and Second - that what I write may be judged, not appreciated, or misunderstood. 

But then I tell myself that I have been extremely successful at everything I put all of my effort in to, but will still let my unconscious fears rule the day.  Hence, I must make them part of my conscious thinking and ask this magical question. 

I then am often surprised at what I would do......if I wasn't afraid.

Enthusiastically scribbled by, 

Jason Riemens

Can You Persuade Me?

Influence Via Animation.  Will You Commit to Just Watching the First 30 Second With Me?

The following is a video explanation of the prior post's un-extraordinary briefing.

Enthusiastically scribbled by, 

Jason Riemens

Do You Want to be More Influential? Most People Do.

Influence......One Thing We All Would

Love to Have More Of

Jason Riemens recommended!

Credibility
Thirty-five years of rigorous, evidence-based research along with a three-year program of study on what moves people to change behavior  resulted in the book Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion by Dr. Robert Cialdini.

Via this book - which I personally put in my top two most practically useful self-development books - Cialdini determined six universal principles (often referred to as "weapons of influence") on how to become a skilled persuader and how to defend yourself against them.

PRINCIPLES OF PERSUASION

• Reciprocity
• Scarcity
• Authority
• Consistency
• Social Proof
• Liking

Yes, I Use Them....and Wish Dearly That I Used Them Better
I make my best effort to utilize these principles as often as possible and observe whether others also use them.  Anecdotally, I will note that I often see local businesses advertise or offer a service (usually of great value per my account) that virtually becomes useless due to - the promotion thereof - not utilizing these principles. 

Quite often it is perceived that no one values the service.  If these business just added a statement similar to "Did you know that 75% of our customers use ......?" then according to the principal of social proof, sales would skyrocket.  And I for one believe them (but ironically believing is not necessary, as the studies show that most people were influenced by these tactics while vehemently denying they would be).  

For more detail, go read the book, but below is a cheat sheet.

This is certainly a topic I will return to and revisit due to what I consider its importance and the value it adds to us as both people and professionals.


Enthusiastically scribbled by, 
Jason Riemens

Selfishly Borrowed!

Let's Share the Good

This BLOG is for me as much as anybody else and I admittedly will refer back to my writings and posts to refuel my own tank.  The following may be the best post I have seen in a while and is one I borrowed from a Facebook friend.

If a picture is worth a thousand words, what is a picture of words inside other words worth?  Our future.

I believe.  Do you?

Enthusiastically scribbled by, 
Jason Riemens


 

Is it What You Know or Who you Know?

Who Knows What About Whom?

Resolution

So...let’s determine this once and for all.  Is it what you know or who you know that matters?  I think there can be a valid case for both. 

• First, if you don’t know anything about the task, project, or job you’re doing - you’ll not last long - no matter who you have backing you.
• Second, if you don’t make the effort to get to know anybody, you’ll never have a support system.

Reality

But, neither answer is actually correct, because what really matters is who knows you.  The more people that know you, knows of you, knows someone that knows you, hopes to know you, or just knows you by lore - the less effort you will have to make, the less time you will have to spend, and the more you will be sought after.

Two Scenarios

Imagine walking onto a room and knowing every person, but not a single person knows you (e.g. they are all celebrities).  Now, imagine that you’re Brad Pitt and walk into just about any room in the world.  You might not know a single person, but chances are everybody will know you and with no effort whatsoever, people fall over themselves to talk to you.  I think I like the second scenario much better.

How to Get There

So, in the world of non-superstar celebrity status, of which I am quite familiar, how do you get people to know you?  The first step to take is to not just be a member, but instead be a participant.  Instead of being the one listening to the speech, seminar, or lecture - be the one giving it. 

Illustration: The first thing that just came to my mind is that I had the great fortune of being a best man at two amazing weddings and was humbly allowed to give best man speeches at both.  Many people did not know me when I walked in - everybody knew me before dinner.  I wasn't selling anything, but people were buying.

For this reason, if you are in the PTO, the local Chamber of Commerce, Rotary, in a class, or are attending any organized event - get in front of the people and talk.

The caveat - as always - is you better prepare and be prepared! 

Enthusiastically scribbled by, 

Jason Riemens

   

Why 93% of Your Message Gets Misinterpreted

Percents Rule!  The 7%, 38%, 55% Rule

Yeah, Yeah, We All Know
We all know that it's not just the words that come out of our mouth that people use to interpret our message. We have also found out - very quickly - the same is true for "real time" written communication (i.e., texts and instant messages).  Communicating via the written word instantly is a method of information exchange less than 20 years old, but we have already made up for it with numerous acronyms and an overabundance of emoticons to pair with the written and - to an extent - meaningless words.  So, we basically brought ourselves up to the level of misconstrued phone conversations. 

Apparently, we have also lost the ability to interpret humor - at least in back and forth written conversations - because LOL (and variations thereof), haha, and a smiley faces are as ubiquitous as the messages that contain them.      

The Research Gives Us the Zen Perspective
So, what does research say about the effectiveness of what you say, how you say it, and your behavior while saying it - in combination with each other?  Professor Albert Mehrabian conducted research that led to the determination of the relative importance of verbal and nonverbal messages. 

In his studies, Mehrabian comes to two conclusions.

• First, that there are basically three elements in any face-to-face communication:
• (1) words, (2) tone of voice, and (3) nonverbal behavior.
• Second, the non-verbal elements are particularly important for communicating feelings and attitude, especially when they are incongruent.
• If words disagree with the tone of voice and nonverbal behavior, people tend to believe the tonality and nonverbal behavior.

The Numbers
As seen below, these elements  - for easy recall - are abbreviated as verbal, vocal, and visual, with the percentages shown. 

7% - 38% - 55% RULE
Element	Description	Proportion
Verbal	Words	7%
Vocal	Tone of voice	38%
Visual	Nonverbal behavior	55%

Accordingly, if 93% of communication is interpreted by tone and behavior, we would do ourselves a great justice if we regularly monitored the way we said things and made an effort to dissect our facial expressions and body movements to an even larger extent than we already do.  As I alluded to earlier, I am sure we all knew this was important prior to reading this, but how good are we at putting what we know into actions that makes us more influential, likeably, and persuasive?

If You Don't believe Me, Believe My Gesticulaticon
Now, pair this information with the relatively new notion of instant written communication and we may need to evolve all of our emoticons into gesticulaticons (emoticons with movement).  There certainly are signs that we are in fact moving that way, but, most likely, to be as effective as a face-to-face conversations, they would have to fake one emotion (straight faced emoticon) that - after 2 seconds - burst into laughing.

Now as you read through your Facebook news feed or posts and texts, imagine what your response might have been without the j/k or roflmgdmfao.  OK, I just found that one on the Internet Slang Dictionary and Translator. 

Dr. Mehrabian assures you that you can be 7% that I did not make this up.



I'll make your message 38% easier to understand.

Enthusiastically scribbled by, 
Jason Riemens

I Already Know That!

Knowing is Not Enough.  It’s the Doing That Matters.

How many times have you been in a class, a seminar, or a training session and heard someone scornfully say, “I already know that!”  Or, even worse, how many times have you read, listened to an audiobook, or been told something by a mentor and internally said the same thing?

Unfortunately, if you are like most people, you were responding to the wrong internal question: “Did I know this already?”  When you should have been asking yourself, “How well or often do I do that?”  You may know something very well - and know you would be better off if you did it - and then never do it. 

So, when I post something in this BLOG - and many times it will be something simple and well known - don’t ask yourself if you already knew it, but instead, ask if when the opportunity arises - “Do I actually do it?”

Enthusiastically scribbled by, 

Jason Riemens

Are You Likeable? There is a One in Four Chance You're Not

The Likeability Factor

A while back, I read a book called The Likeability Factor, by Tim Sanders.  I had never heard of the author and have not researched him since - so I am not just a fan pushing the ideals of a favorite writer - but the summary of the book really peaked my interest.  The author shows his readers how to build their likeability factor by teaching them how to enhance four critical elements of their personality: (1) Friendliness, (2) Relevance, (3) Empathy, and (4) Realness. 

• Friendliness: your ability to communicate liking and openness to others
• Relevance: your capacity to connect with others’ interests, wants, and needs
• Empathy: your ability to recognize, acknowledge, and experience other people’s feelings
• Realness: the integrity that stands behind your likeability and guarantees its authenticity

Evaluation: I often now use these four criteria as an evaluative tool, after I have determined if I like someone or if I have determined that I don’t.  It is amazing on how well they apply and the subsequent evaluation aids in building future relationships.  I do this because I often end up liking people that I didn't' think I would (like when their friendliness is low) and sometimes it’s the reverse, which causes me some serious consternation. 

Example: As a perfect recent example, I grew to really dislike the former manager of a local establishment I frequent.  This individual seemed the nicest person and always greeted me with a smile.  Since this person was the manger of a place I went to nearly every day, this made the person relevant.  The person however failed miserably on empathy - and especially realness.  Most notably, I - at first unconsciously - found this person to be disingenuous in in all of our interactions.  And I avoided ever being around this person without really knowing why - as I don’t like disliking people.  There is no upside to seeing somebody and feeling uncomfortable, so I try to always find some aspect of their character that I admire (which will be another post topic).         

Also, I find quite often, that if the person has no relevance to me, I don’t dislike them, but am indifferent.  It usually is their lack of willingness to try to connect with me or show interest.  I don't want a feeling of indifference to people that I see regularly.   

From observation, it seems most people think they just have to be friendly to be liked.  That is clearly not enough.  I can actually think of a person - right now - that does not seem to like me, even though I am quite nice to them, and it really bothers me.  I realize - against my own principles - that I have not tried to make a connection to this person - and it is because the person does not seem to like me.  So, I reversed the cause and effect and will fix it.

Thereby, it seems apparent that - if you want to be liked by more people - evaluate yourself on how well you utilize these elements of your personality when interacting with others.

Enthusiastically scribbled by, 

Jason Riemens

The Problem is Not The Problem

Contributed by another Facebook friend...the ever wise Andrew Easton

As one of my original posts stated, an attitude is always in regards to something, and it is often towards a problem - which is usually an opportunity in disguise.  But, a bad attitude often gets in the way of reason and logic.

Enthusiastically scribbled by, 

Jason Riemens

Rocky Balboa Knows Best

.....just posted by a friend on Facebook and I thought very beftting......I could not agree more 

Enthusiastically scribbled by, 

Jason Riemens

I Believe!

Even if you stop believing in the person, why stop believing in the ideal they stood for?

You may just realize that you enjoy life a lot more.

Enthusiastically scribbled by, 

Jason Riemens

This Trailer Really Pumps Me Up

We don't have to be a Man of Steel to do great things, but this trailer sure does get me motivated!

Enthusiastically scribbled by, 

Jason Riemens

How to Win Friends and Influence People

The book that has had the most influence on my life and that has had the greatest practical impact - meaning that I use what I read the most - is Dale Carnegie’s, How to Win Friends and Influence People.  It discusses the fundamental techniques in handing people, how to win people to your way of thinking, ways to make people like you, and how to be a leader.

It is all common sense, but as we all know, common sense is not always common practice.  It is not a business book, a relationship book, or a self-help book.  It is a life book - my life has been changed forever by it - and hopefully I have helped others improve their lives because of it as well.

Below I list out the principles of the book in anticipation that they that will inspire you to action.  What action?  Any positive action...but reading the book would be a great start.

FUNDAMENTAL TECHNIQUES IN HANDLING PEOPLE

PRINCIPLE 1
Don’t criticize, condemn, or complain.

PRINCIPLE 2

Give honest and sincere appreciation.

PRINCIPLE 3
Arouse in the other person an eager want.

HOW TO WIN PEOPLE TO YOUR WAY OF THINKING

PRINCIPLE 1
The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.

PRINCIPLE 2

Show respect for the other person’s opinions.  Never say, “You’re wrong.”

PRINCIPLE 3

If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.

PRINCIPLE 4

Begin in a friendly way.

PRINCIPLE 5

Get the other person saying “yes, yes” immediately.

PRINCIPLE 6

Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.

PRINCIPLE 7

Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.

PRINCIPLE 8

Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view.


PRINCIPLE 9

Be sympathetic to the other person’s ideas and desires.

PRINCIPLE 10

Appeal to the nobler motives.

PRINCIPLE 11

Dramatize your ideas.

PRINCIPLE 12

Throw down a challenge.

SIX WAYS TO MAKE PEOPLE LIKE YOU

PRINCIPLE 1

Become genuinely interested in other people.

PRINCIPLE 2

Smile.

PRINCIPLE 3

Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.

PRINCIPLE 4

Be a good listener.  Encourage others to talk about themselves.

PRINCIPLE 5

Talk in terms of the other person’s interests.

PRINCIPLE 6

Make the other person feel important – and do it sincerely.

BE A LEADER

PRINCIPLE 1

Begin with praise and honest appreciation.

PRINCIPLE 2

Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly.

PRINCIPLE 3

Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.

PRINCIPLE 4

Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.

PRINCIPLE 5

Let the other person save face.

PRINCIPLE 6

Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. 
Be “hearty in you approbation and lavish in your praise.”

PRINCIPLE 7

Give the other person a reputation to live up to.

PRINCIPLE 8

Use encouragement.  Make the fault seem easy to correct.

PRINCIPLE 9

Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.



Make everybody you talk to feel important and appreciated!

Enthusiastically scribbled by, 
Jason Riemens

Dilbert May Not be the Best Example

"Yay life, I have a job, one less project to worry about, and am healthy!"

Source: http://dilbert.com/strips/comic/2006-08-19/

Enthusiastically scribbled by, 
Jason Riemens

Make the Day Your Way, and it's Guaranteed to be Fantastic

HOW YOU FEEL IS YOUR CHOICE

When I am greeted or asked how I am doing, I always respond with something along the lines of “fantastic,” “amazing,” or “insanely great.” I say it with a smile and as enthusiastic as I can, regardless of how I may actually feel at that particular moment.  I force myself into feeling amazing and my positivity becomes contagious and this all builds upon itself. 

A smile creates a smile that creates another smile and so on, and pretty soon, everyone is feeling pretty awesome.  I have one person that always expects me to say fantastic and if I say wonderful or great, I get called out and have to say fantastic.  And our spirits always soar during this little game. 

It's your and my choice to determine how we feel and what our attitude is like and should never be dictated by those around us or by whom we encounter.  If someone states surprisingly, "You're awfully cheerful,"I tell them that, “I make the day my way, so it is always fantastic.”  And it is.

Enthusiastically scribbled by, 

Jason Riemens

Say it Aloud - and Don’t You Dare Use Future Tense

TELL YOURSELF AND TELL YOURSELF OFTEN

Write it, Say it, Display it

I am a big believer in physically writing down your goals and putting them on your bedroom mirror or somewhere even more prone to be seen (like on Facebook), waking up and saying self-affirmations aloud, and telling anyone who will listen what you plan to do, become, or accomplish.  There is a significant stimulus seeing it in writing (especially in your own handwriting), hearing it in your own voice, and knowing others already have expectations from you in their minds. 

Take the Future out of Self-Affirmations

Specifically in regards to self-affirmations, the one thing that I think people, who actually do this, do that is counterproductive is to use future tense.  “Today will be a great day.”  “I will be successful.”  “Someday, I will have a great memory.”  While that is a fantastic start, and I applaud you for taking that first step, a much more beneficial method is to state it to yourself as a current fact.  When is “will be” going to happen and “someday” may never occur.

“Today is a great day!”  “I am successful!”  “I have a great memory!”  Even if you have not convinced yourself yet, fake it until you make it, as I like to say.

Maximus of this Postimus

The maxim of this post is, you are likely already better at what you want to be than you think, at least in brief glimpses.  Why not tell yourself - and tell yourself often?  The last person you want to let down is you.  And these glimpses of the best you will become the you of everyday.

You are an optimistic person and you have a positive attitude.  I am certain of this.

Enthusiastically scribbled by, 

Jason Riemens

To be Better or to be Unique: That is the Question.

When I decided to create this BLOG, I thought "what a great idea, a BLOG on positive attitude and how that affects drive and motivation - as well as everything else," but there is a lot one can find on this topic and a lot of sites and BLOGS about these topics. 

So, to get an audience for this BLOG, I must find my sustainable competitive advantage.  That can be done in two ways, either (1) by doing what everyone else does, but doing it better, or (2) by doing things differently than everyone else, in a way that delivers a unique type of value. 

Well, I think I will try both options.  I will first try to utilize the best content I can find to make this BLOG interesting and motivational, in a way better than others.  Sometimes we need just a quotation or cartoon to get us into the positive psyche, and at other time we may need or want more.

I never really like to make a universal statement, based on my personal experience or opinion, as I am generalizing from what I have experienced, learned, read, observed, and felt.  I see this in my passion of fitness a lot.  For example, a football player, bodybuilder, runner, fighter, or cross-fit person will make recommendations based on their own thought process and not after a set of questions to the other person on what they want or need. 

So, originally, I had decided not to put too much of myself into this BLOG, but to be an impartial conveyor of content.  However, then how would this BLOG be unique?  You're right, it wouldn't.  And, since I have - over my life - had a lot of interesting experiences, I am highly educated, I am well read, I have watched a lot of people, and I have felt a lot of emotions - all making me extraordinarily success, as well oftentimes a dreadful failure, I will throw a lot of me and what I feel into this BLOG - hopefully delivering that unique type of value.

So, here is a quick motivational boost, to keep that tank full!


Just think to yourself that, "I will IBA my way to success!"

Enthusiastically scribbled by, 
Jason Riemens

   

Why This BLOG: In Brief

I believe that the key to success and happiness is a positive attitude. 

attitude noun - manner, disposition, feeling, position, etc., with regard to a person or thing

And I believe that to the core of my existence.  Correspondingly, there is no upside to negativity.  But, one thing I certainly understand is that it is easy to have a bad attitude or to just be negative.  I have spent much of my life in the unproductive state of negativity.  Plausibly, it seems like the easier road to travel upon, but I am here to propose that it is not.

What is often misunderstood, or at least over looked, is the part of the definition above, which states, “with regard to.”  An attitude is towards something or someone.  We just don’t have a bad attitude; it is always directed towards (or emanates from) something, which may be something lying in our unconscious mind.

So, what I suggest is that we all will do ourselves a great service if, when we are trying to improve our attitude, we focus the positivity towards something or someone.  And, to me, that can even just be towards our outlook on our immediate or distant future.

Thereby, in this BLOG, my intent is to make postings of quotations, articles, or whatever I find to stay positive.  And to truly use these affectively, we must alter our manner, disposition, or position with regard to a person or thing, to make the effort successful. 

Enthusiastically scribbled by, 

Jason Riemens