Are You Likeable? There is a One in Four Chance You're Not

The Likeability Factor

A while back, I read a book called The Likeability Factor, by Tim Sanders.  I had never heard of the author and have not researched him since - so I am not just a fan pushing the ideals of a favorite writer - but the summary of the book really peaked my interest.  The author shows his readers how to build their likeability factor by teaching them how to enhance four critical elements of their personality: (1) Friendliness, (2) Relevance, (3) Empathy, and (4) Realness. 

• Friendliness: your ability to communicate liking and openness to others
• Relevance: your capacity to connect with others’ interests, wants, and needs
• Empathy: your ability to recognize, acknowledge, and experience other people’s feelings
• Realness: the integrity that stands behind your likeability and guarantees its authenticity

Evaluation: I often now use these four criteria as an evaluative tool, after I have determined if I like someone or if I have determined that I don’t.  It is amazing on how well they apply and the subsequent evaluation aids in building future relationships.  I do this because I often end up liking people that I didn't' think I would (like when their friendliness is low) and sometimes it’s the reverse, which causes me some serious consternation. 

Example: As a perfect recent example, I grew to really dislike the former manager of a local establishment I frequent.  This individual seemed the nicest person and always greeted me with a smile.  Since this person was the manger of a place I went to nearly every day, this made the person relevant.  The person however failed miserably on empathy - and especially realness.  Most notably, I - at first unconsciously - found this person to be disingenuous in in all of our interactions.  And I avoided ever being around this person without really knowing why - as I don’t like disliking people.  There is no upside to seeing somebody and feeling uncomfortable, so I try to always find some aspect of their character that I admire (which will be another post topic).         

Also, I find quite often, that if the person has no relevance to me, I don’t dislike them, but am indifferent.  It usually is their lack of willingness to try to connect with me or show interest.  I don't want a feeling of indifference to people that I see regularly.   

From observation, it seems most people think they just have to be friendly to be liked.  That is clearly not enough.  I can actually think of a person - right now - that does not seem to like me, even though I am quite nice to them, and it really bothers me.  I realize - against my own principles - that I have not tried to make a connection to this person - and it is because the person does not seem to like me.  So, I reversed the cause and effect and will fix it.

Thereby, it seems apparent that - if you want to be liked by more people - evaluate yourself on how well you utilize these elements of your personality when interacting with others.

Enthusiastically scribbled by, 

Jason Riemens